So lately I haven’t been feeling too happy. There is something missing in my days. Everything is a bland routine. The weekdays come and they go, the weekends come and yes I do have some fun, and they go by as well. The days go by but really what are they made of? What do I do that is meaningful? Lately, I have been harping on things a lot. All the things that I am dissatisfied about are coming up repeatedly. I suspect it’s these things that keep me unhappy. There is not much I can do right now to fix any of these things. Drastic actions and decisions have never helped. So I am not doing any of that. But the alternative is inaction, to do nothing while everything remains unsatisfactory. I am supposed to have faith in the Universe and trust that all things will fall into place at the right time and everything will turn out OK. But I am often afraid that this may not be true and that the end result will just be that I wasted time doing nothing. Does that even make sense?
Because at this point in Life, for certain situations I am facing now (I won’t go into the gory details now), I simply do not know what the right solution is. I am not sure what the right decision is.
I also have so much resentment and frustration. There have been a couple of things that have not been working out for me for the past 3-4 years and it’s all adding up. There is a constant ever-present conflict. I strive all the time to be content but it is a constant battle. They say you can make your Life out to be the way you want it to be. It is not true. We do not have the power to influence certain circumstances. We can only change our inner attitude towards our circumstances. This is the journey I am on. To constantly fight the resentments and frustrations that nose into my thoughts.
To be honest, I admit my issues are first world problems, and those living in poverty and starvation will not be impressed by my frustrations. But that is the problem with the human ego isn’t it? When our basic needs are met, we aspire towards higher fulfilment. And the more we have, the more we want, because there is always a next level to aspire to – it never ends. I so desperately want to be content with what I have. But I feel if I don’t keep aspiring to things, I will not grow and my life will stagnate. So I feel I must keep trying… And in this process, there is so much conflict and frustration…
Strangely, after writing all this, I feel better. Nothing has changed, but I feel better about it. No wonder they say writing is good for the spirit. I need to write more!
So… On that note….
Things that make me happy
Well brewed coffee
Devious maids episodes – I am officially addicted
Time with friends
Getting dressed up and going out
Lazy Sunday afternoons (with Devious Maids episodes of course!)
Friends getting married!